Thanks for all your support on my last post. I hate being so negative. Well, I’m not negative, I’m just having a hard time these days, but I’m trying to stay positive and have fun as often as I can. That’s why I’m leaving for Liverpool in just a few hours. I don’t have time to sleep actually. lol!
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go or not, since I’ve been so tired lately. But screw that, I want to have some fun now. I’m not bringing my Mac. Mari has one at her place in Liverpool, so if I get the chance I’ll probably update a little from her computer. If not, I’ll see you when I get back:) I promise to take tons of photos! Bye.
Hi guys. I’m here. Not dead or anything. I’ve not been in the mood to blog. And I thought I should tell you why. It’s sort of a little personal, but since I am an open person I’ll tell you everything.
And everything started this summer when my mom moved out…
It was a shock for me, my father and my brother. We never saw it coming. I didn’t speak to my mother for almost two months. It was so hard for me, I thought she was gone forever and that I would never have any contact with her again. I was mad at her, of course. But right before I got my diagnose we started talking again and I got to learn the reason why she did what she did. Now she wants to move back home, she loves my father and wants to work on the marriage. My father was so angry when she moved out, and still is. They fought like hell this Christmas. Even on Christmas eve, which was so unnecessary. My father has found a new woman and told my mother yesterday that he wants a divorce. Great! Right now I’m so mad at him, I’ve told him so many times since summer that he has to wait and settle everything with my mom before he starts dating. Impatient bastard! Sorry.
Two weeks before Christmas my brothers girlfriend left my brother. She didn’t have feelings for him anymore. My brother was so devastated. I spoke to her on the phone just a couple of days after the break up. She told me that there was a chance for them to get back together again, but she just needed some time. On Christmas eve she told us that it was completely over. We cried. They have been together for five years, so she’s like a family member. My heart is hurting for my brother, he’s in so much pain these days. I hate seeing him like this. They were so good together, I never thought they would split up.
Last Monday my grandmother had a big surgery. She has had stomach aches a lot lately that’s why she needed the operation. The doctors found a tumor in her stomach. She’s still in the hospital now, she had to be there over Christmas. Now we’re waiting for the test results to find out if the cancer has spread or not.
Now you probably understand how my Christmas has been and why I haven’t been abel to update my site. And on top of everything I’m starting to get really nervous about my operation. I’ll probably get the operation in under a week. I’m actually glad I got it in 2011. This year has been so hard for me, nothing good has happened, I’ve been so much sick, people I know has dies, my parents are splitting up, my brother is sad, my grandmother is ill. I think 2011 will be a good year! And I can’t wait for it to start!
Our dog had a great Christmas though, he loves unwrapping the presents:)
I’m feeling a lot better today. My energy is up and I only got a stuffy nose left. Hopefully I’ll be back at work soon and I’ll be ready for Christmas. Even though I’m not so exited for Christmas this year. So much has happened this last month, I wish we could skip Christmas this year actually. But we’re gonna make the best out of it.
Yesterdays visit to the hospital didn’t go as we had expected. The doctors are still not sure where the cancer is located. They have no idea what they have to take out or how much. He told me that 30 percent of the people who has this kind of cancer they can’t determine a diagnose on. And of course I’m one of them. They just have to do the surgery and then they will figure it out. I just hate the uncertainty. My next visit to the hospital will be in the beginning of January, and that will be the operation. I’m really nervous. I know I just have to go through with it to get well. The doctors do this kind of operation all the time, so I shouldn’t worry. Though it’s scary. He also told me that if they can’t figure out what to do on the first try, I might have to do a second surgery. I really don’t want that. Hopefully everything turns out okay!
Now I’m going back to my couch to relax and watch some more Desperate Housewives. Bye.
I got the flu! Great. Just what I need now on top of everything else. I haven’t slept for almost 26 hours, because my throat keeps fucking up so I cannot breath properly. It’s so frustrating. And tomorrow is yet another visit to the hospital. I’m not keen on delaying the appointment because I got the flu. I just want to get well and start living normal again. fml.
Bad blogging these days. My exam started yesterday. We have one week to get our portfolios ready. Just want to let you know there probably won’t be any updates for a while.
Wish me luck!
Today is my fathers birthday. I just want to say happy birthday to the greatest dad! I love you<3
I closed photo challenge #3 today. Two days after I was supposed to close it. Better late than never, right? You guys have such cute pets and you made it so hard for me to choose the winners. But the hamster Ulrich stole my heart. Just look how cute he is! And it is such an amazing photo. Congrats Camilla! You’ll be advertised on my site.
I’ve been gone a few days. Not on a vacation or anything. Just had a little time off the website. It’s so much going on in my life at the moment. I’ve been working on the Facebook campaign the last week and today we had the presentations. I’m not happy with how it turned out. I’m just glad we finished in time. I don’t feel I’m putting a hundred percent into what I’m doing these days. My mind is always some place else. Maybe not so weird?
On Monday I bought a new book. The most amazing/sad/wonderful book I’ve ever read. I cried from beginning to end. It’s a mothers story about her daughter. It’s called Idas dans (Ida’s dance). She gets cancer, leukemia, at the age of 18. For 14 months she fought to defeat the illness. In the end she had to give up. Her mother tells the story from her own eyes, all her thought, feelings and how her family reacts to the illness. It’s such a sad story, but it’s so real and uncensored. It feels like you’re there witnessing everything. Even though I knew the book ended bad I was hoping she would make it.
I can really relate to the first part of the book, where she gets the news from her doctor. My father was sitting in the same chair as her mother did, just two weeks ago. Even though my cancer is not as deadly as the one Ida had, I understand the feeling, the desperation and the fear. Everything is so uncertain. Right now I just want to get rid of this stupid illness, I just want to get the operation over with, so that I can live normal again. In the end of this week I’ll get the test results back and hopefully an operation date.
Live each day like it’s your last. Tomorrow it might be to late.